I was sitting on my train from San Luis Obispo to San Jose and I couldn’t help but fall deep into my own thoughts. I had no desire to talk to any of the strangers around me, especially after that scary old man tried to eat my pizza, and the passing scenery (if you can even call it that) outside my window wasn’t exactly intriguing or eye-catching.
So, naturally that is when I ponder my life decisions, past, aspirations, and the world. For some reason the main thing on my mind at the time was love life. Not mine, necessarily, but just the interactions between men and women in general.
I recently read an article on ThoughtCatalog about how to know if someone is right for you and it made me think. Is this applicable to every situation? How can we (and by we I mean people) write articles like this? I don’t always trust myself to make the right choices in my own relationships, much less those of others.
Honestly, how can we write out these standards and sets of rules and pretend like they work in every situation and for every person?
The ending paragraph of the article left me with the impression that if you still talk to an ex then they’re right for you. You see, I’m not the type to just let someone leave my life without good reason. If I care about you or ever did and you didn’t do something to negatively change my life in a super huge way… then I’m fighting for our friendship.
Needless to say, I like to be friends with my exes.
Some more than others, but all except maybe one are still my acquaintance at least.
And it’s not like I have tons of old boyfriends. When I say “ex” in this case I’m counting those people you have a “thing” with and kind of date for awhile, but maybe you’re never officially exclusive. I still truly like to keep in contact with those people, as well as two of my actual three ex-boyfriends.
I do this because I enjoyed and still enjoy their company. I value their advice. I want to know how their life is because I care about their well-being. Not because they’re Mr. Right and I’m meant to end up with them. There are exes that I still would gladly talk to that I know are not right for me.
But according to the article I am supposed to conclude that if I still communicate with an ex and we come back into each other’s lives on and off then there’s a reason for that.
Excuse me, but just because I like these people and want them to be doing well doesn’t mean I’m incapable of letting go.
Same goes for the guys.
I’m sure they know I’m not right for them and there are things about me that make it impossible for us to ever function in a relationship together, but that doesn’t mean that they can’t check in on me to make sure I’m happy and to catch up once in awhile.
Sure, maybe in some cases it’s true. Maybe there’s that person who consistently floods your thoughts and who you could see yourself marrying one day or who you think can do no wrong, even though you’re broken up.
So, like the article said, you talk to them often and see each other (as more than friends) when it’s convenient and you eventually realize there’s a reason for all that. And that reason is that you’re meant to end up with them.
But this “rule” is not universal. Talk to your exes if you want to. It doesn’t mean you need to start brainstorming a list of household appliances for your wedding gift wish list.
I mean, you don’t need three toasters, anyways.